You Have The Right To Remain Silent…
You know what’s quirky? Outdated laws. We’ve all heard the weird and wacky ones from the United States, like the crazy Alaskan law about not eyeballing a moose while travelling in an aircraft! Firstly, is the moose on the ground or in the aircraft? You’re either flying too low or someone has sneakily smuggled a 700kg Elk onto your plane! (Did you know that an Elk is what they call a moose in Britain?).
Or how about in California, where the law states that no vehicle without a driver may exceed 60mph. Really? 60mph? Even the Dolerian needed a driver to reach 1955 at 55mph!
Or what about the Big Apple? The great city of New York? Listen to this! It’s illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards whilst at a concert…can I just say, that if someone is eating peanuts and walking backwards at a concert, I don’t think this is what you should be arresting the individual for…it’s all I’m saying.
I couldn’t let Texas off the hook. How’s this? In Texas it’s illegal to own six or more dildos. Six…or more! Or more?! Who owns more than six dildos? Who is this woman? And, as a side law to the six or more, it’s illegal if any of your six dildos look realistic! Which is a shame really, I wanted to cast a replica of my penis and sell it those sexually deviant Texan women.
Anyway, it got me to thinking (after reading about the crazy US laws), does Australia have any bizarre or insane laws that make no sense whatsoever? I’ve decided to check out the laws of our great city of Melbourne, only because it was recently voted as the world’s most livable city and I want to check out if it really is so livable.
Below are a handful of criminal acts ranging from misdemeanors to felony offences. I swear, I haven’t made any of these up.
CRIMINAL ACT #1: Flying a kite or playing a game in public which annoys another person is an offence.
CRIMINAL ACT #2: It is against the law to leave your keys in your vehicle whilst unattended, it is illegal to leave your car running whilst unattended AND it is illegal to leave your car doors unlocked.
CRIMINAL ACT #3: Having an article of disguise in your possession without a lawful excuse, is an offence.
CRIMINAL ACT #4: Advertising a reward for a lost item and stating that ‘No questions will be asked’ is against the law.
CRIMINAL ACT #5: Singing an obscene song, tune or ballad within earshot of someone is a fineable offence.
Any lastly, but my personal favourite…
Again, I swear I haven’t made this up!
CRIMINAL ACT #6: It is against the law to carry out unauthorized rain making operations.
Carrying out unauthorized rain making operations! To anybody who may be able to break this law, surely they should be nominated for a Nobel Prize. We live in a country that is plagued by drought, farmers lose millions of dollars annually to the devastating effects of drought and our government wants to arrest anyone who can make artificial rain! The global impact of such a device would monumental, think of other drought ridden countries, they could cultivate their land and grow a sustainable economy…but NOOOOO, instead here in Australia we’re going to lock them up and throw away the key! Also, I think if you do have the ability to make rain, shouldn’t that be considered a miracle act? This would mean you only need two more miracles and you could be canonized as a Saint!
How about criminal act #5? Singing an obscene song is against the law! Does that mean I can make a citizen’s arrest on anyone I catch singing ‘Smashing Pumpkins’? I can’t stand that fucking band!
Yes, Melbourne sure does have its share of weird and wacky laws. But, I’m sure the rest of our States do as well. I won’t touch on those today, instead, I’ll leave you with an upbeat and interesting fact about Melbourne, such as, did you know that the world’s first feature film was made in Melbourne? Yep, it was called ‘The Story of the Ned Kelly Gang’ and it was released on Boxing Day in 1906.
Until next time,
-Chris
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