Flirting With Disaster

I was talking with my brother last night about moving interstate (not with him, on my own), and it occurred to me that it would be extraordinarily uncomplicated to do so. I have nothing tying me down to this state, nor do I particularly enjoy my current working situation. So, I’ve applied for some positions across the border. I was always so hesitant to uproot myself and apply for work in other states, but after thinking long and hard about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s what life is all about, making those scary choices and following through with them. It’s liberating when you get that sense of control, when you decide to grab life by the reigns and ride it to success.

It could all come crashing down and I’ll be back home within twelve months with my tail between my legs, but you know what, at least I can say I gave it a red hot go. My motto for all of you out there that wants to ‘seize the day’ and jump into the deep end of life ‘Just Do It’. You live once, and the really scary part is, it goes so fucking quick that it will all be over before you have the chance to make those decisions. I guess when I come to the end, when I’m sitting on my old creaking rocking chair, looking out over a pasture of long forgotten memories, I only want two things; to know that I loved and was loved and to have no regrets. It really isn’t too much to ask for; well I don’t think so anyway.

At this age of 30 years, I can say I have no regrets. Every choice I’ve made, be it stupid or smart, has made me who I am today. And, I like me. I can only hope that I continue on this same path and continue to make the right choices, I’m fairly confident that I will.

~INTERMISSION~

Off topic completely, the other day I was once again sitting with my brother, when he brazenly told me to go flirt with the bar girl at an establishment that shall remain nameless. Herein lies two issues, issue one; Never flirt with the bar staff. The lovely men and women who pour our drinks work extremely hard and deal with a lot of, for lack of a better word, assholes. On any given day they will be insulted, abused, walked all over and treated like servants. What they don’t need is some cocky, over confident, self obsessed hipster (I’m not describing myself I hope you realize) slithering up to the bar and making the moves. They want to pour your drink, take your money and hope to God you just sit the fuck back down. You’re not the first person to slip your business card to them, remember that. Second issue, I can’t flirt. No real story here, just a simple fact of life. I did try once, and it was horrific. I go into these long winded dialogues, make enormous hand gestures and basically make myself look like a member of a 1930’s travelling freak show. Now, this isn’t to say I won’t ever try again. I’m sure I probably will, just not anytime soon. So, heed the advice, if you are sitting with me at the bar, coffee shop, park bench or what have you, please don’t point to an attractive girl and ask me to go over and flirt with her, as it will be met with a diatribe not so unfamiliar to this one.

And, for anyone wondering, Oliver doesn’t help with drawing in women. Not that I have ever used him as a tool from my bag of tricks. It’s just that I’ve had several people tell me to take him out and watch the women swoon. For the record, they don’t. Sorry Oliver, you’re just not a chick magnet.

Until next time,

-Chris

Oliver says 'I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT'