Pet Morality

The other day I posted an update on Facebook saying how Oliver ran off with my towel while I was in the shower. Not thinking it was a big deal, I received multiple comments about how I let my dog in the bathroom with me while I shower. ‘Does he see you naked?’ seems to be the greatest concern for some people. The answer, ‘Yes, yes he does’ and I’m still baffled by the horror this stirs in people. Oliver is a dog. He has no concept of human anatomy and he is completely oblivious to a flaccid penis.  He doesn’t stare at me and salivate, he minds his own business. One individual went even further and stated that only certain animals should be allowed to see you naked...’Okay, you got me, which animals?’ at this point in the conversation I am all ears, without hesitation he states ‘Birds, it’s okay for birds to see you naked’...’Okay, you got me again, why is it okay for birds to see you naked but not a dog?’ Now I’m really on the edge of my seat! ‘Well Chris, birds don’t have any visible genitalia, so when they see you naked, they don’t actually know what they are even looking at’. This is the point in the conversation I had to let simmer for a moment. Birds don’t know what genitals are, his big argument. Essentially, according to my hapless friend, if an animal has no visible signs of genitalia then it is perfectly acceptable for the creature to join you in the shower (in the room, not in the actual cubicle!). The notion kind of threw me off guard. I’ve certainly never seen a crocodile’s penis, but would still be hesitant to bathe with one.

~INTERMISSION~

 On the subject of pets, last night I was on the couch, it was about 10 o’clock, the lights were off and I was watching something meaningless on TV. Oliver was sitting on my lap and out of nowhere, he jumps up, racing over to the wall and proceeds to bark over and over at nothing in particular. I live alone, so naturally my brain instantly jumps to the supernatural. We’ve all heard it before, animals have a natural receptor to the paranormal. Can they sense other worldly beings? Is my house haunted? Could Oliver see something that I couldn’t?

The most likely scenario is that there was a miniscule bug crawling up the wall that I couldn’t see in the dim light of the lounge room and Oliver had spotted the little aphid from across the room. It does still make your heart race when your pet becomes agitated over nothing. It also doesn’t help that Friday the 13^th was coming up (The actual date, not the film).

I’m not a believer in the paranormal, never have been, I have never seen, felt, touched or even sensed the presence of anything supernatural. I’ve heard this is because I am a skeptic, that entities don’t make themselves known to non-believers. This is biggest bowl of crazy I’ve ever eaten from. You’d think if you were a ghost/entity/benevolent spirit then you would want to make yourself known to the non-believers. I for one know for a fact that when I do shuffle off this mortal coil and into the unknown, if I do get the chance to come back and make my presence known, I will not be hanging around Mystic Megs Hotline and feeding her advice from beyond the grave. I’ll be making sure I am standing right next to Barack Obama as he addresses the nation.

Comment below if you have ever had an experience from beyond the grave? What did you see? Do you have evidence? Was it a pleasant or horrific experience? More importantly, has anyone ever met my hero’s Lennon, Elvis, Hendrix or Morrison?

Today is Friday the 13^th, everyone watch your back, don’t let a black cat cross your path, don’t walk under any ladders and above all else, certainly don’t smash any mirrors! Your bad luck doubles if you do THAT on a Friday the 13^th.

Until next time,

-Chris

Oliver says 'I KNOW WHAT I SAW'