Heavenly Sin’s

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a dear friend of mine who just happens to be a devout Catholic. I generally tend to steer clear of religious conversations (not because of my own personal beliefs, more so because there is never a clear winner at the end of the debate). People who know me, know that I am agnostic, and to clarify agnosticism for those who may be a little unsure, Webster’s Dictionary defines agnosticism as: ‘A person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable; Broadly: one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or non existence of God or a god’.

So, you can understand why the topic of religion and the discussion of God would not send me into a conversational frenzy. However, on this particular occasion, the issue of God’s sexuality arose. The social acceptance of His gender is widely understood to be male. My friend took the time to clear up this common misconception and stated that God is of no gender, and has no sexual predilection. In a way, I suppose you could say that my friends Lord and Savior, is in fact, A-Sexual.

The conversation flowed on like a small brook in the middle of the Sahara. In fact, I was getting slightly bored by it. My attention was revived as the banter moved to the topic of Adam and Eve being naked in the Garden, and how God’s intentions were for us all to be naked for the duration of our time here on His earth. Eve, being easily swayed by a talking snake, ate from the forbidden tree, making her realize ‘Shit, I’m naked!’ causing the little Miss to now feel, what we call, the emotion of shame and to run off and cover herself with a more dignified, fig leaf. I can only imagine Adam being a little annoyed with the talking asp, in his head thinking ‘That slimy bastard, I was enjoying looking at that’.

Now, I talk on behalf of myself only when I say this, I personally find it more arousing when a woman walks around in lingerie rather than completely exposed. Essentially, if I were Adam, living alone in a garden with a woman walking around partially naked, with only a fig leaf to covering her lady bits, I’m not sure I would be able to hide my happiness (pretty sure they didn’t have banana leaves in the garden).

~INTERMISSION~

Staying on Heavenly topics, it was brought to my attention from my educated Catholic friend, that in the eternal afterlife, the need for clothes is not required and we will all spend eternity stripped down to our bare ass. Now, for those of you keeping up with the blogs, you would have heard me rant yesterday about my reluctance of public nudity. When quizzed by my buddy ‘Why is this an issue for you?’ I couldn’t explain quickly enough that my grandmother has passed on, and I have massive issue’s reminiscing with her while naked. Why do we have to be naked in the spirit world? Is this God’s sick little joke?

Thinking a little deeper, I couldn’t help but wonder, if we are all going to be fully exposed whilst above, is it fair to assume that our sinful equivalent’s down below are doing a nudey run along the river Styx? Which raises even more questions, would you rather be nude above or below? I know personally, I hate the cold weather, and Heaven does seem a little breezy up there, with all the clouds and what have you. If I am going to spend my eternity with my equipment on display, I think I want to be in warmer surroundings. We all know what happens to men when the weather drops a few degrees. I just can’t have that perpetually plaguing my mind for eternity.

Until next time,

-Chris

Oliver asks 'DO ALL GOOD DOGS GO TO HEAVEN?'