Now that we have the perfunctory ‘Welcome Blog’ out of the way, we can get to know each other a little better. This is a team effort, I’ll provide the blogs and you supply yourself as a devoted reader and hopefully somewhere in the middle we’ll all come out a little wiser.

First off the bat, I’m doing well and thank you for asking. Oliver is also doing exceptionally well. Plugging his Facebook profile last blog certainly boosted his confidence over at the doggy park.

I’m going to answer a question that I have been asked constantly over the past four or so months. The bare, stripped down essence of the question is something akin to this “Are you okay? You’re talking to a dog! A lot!” in short, the answer is “Yes, I am fine”.

After the break up, I was living alone and feeling kind of down. I’m the type of guy that thrives on human interaction, be that talking, listening, texting, emailing, skyping or any other form of modern day communication (I say modern day, but I wouldn’t be opposed to having a Morse Code pen pal).

So, one day I was sitting at home while on Facebook, none of my ‘virtual friends’ were online and I was craving some interaction. Oliver was sitting by my feet and he just happened to look up at me when the thought ‘Why aren’t any of my friends online?’ popped into my head. ‘I could talk to Oliver, give him an online persona!’ so, I set about creating his new online identity...or, my alter ego, not sure which.

It all started out very basic and rudimentary. Simple status updates like ‘Gee Dad, I had great fun on our walk this morning’ to more involved and preposterous situations like ‘Dad, if there was a zombie apocalypse, would you take me as your side kick?’ this in turn would spur a dialogue between Oliver and myself, with the occasional bystander putting in their two cents worth.

Along the way I’ve been called crazy, stupid, psycho, madman and all the other adjectives that were once used to lock away Charles Manson. Rest assured, I have not lost my mind.

~INTERMISSION~

Now for something completely random. I’m taking a vow of celibacy.  I’m not a religious man, nor am I incapable of luring a member of the opposite sex into my bed. There are two reasons for my vow of chastity though. One, chasing women is a costly venture. There is a team in Hobart, Australia, that is starting an expedition to find, locate and protect what they believe is one of a handful of alive and well Tasmanian Tigers. A species still widely believed, and accepted by the general public, as being extinct. These gentlemen will spend less money capturing the elusive animal than what I will on chasing women. Fact. The second reason...my house is now overrun by my own little beast of burden. I am no longer the master of my domain, I now consider myself as a tenant of Oliver. He defecates where is sees fit, gnaws on anything his flat, little pug face can find and stares at me with contempt as I clean up after him. I love the little Buddha, don’t get me wrong. I’m just not comfortable letting a woman into my home that is now ruled by this four-legged, domesticated canine.

So, how long will I last? A month? Three months? A year? I don’t know. Comment below on how long you think I will last. Winner gets photos of me breaking my celibacy! ... I kid of course.

Until next time,

-Chris

Oliver says 'NOT WHILE UNDER MY ROOF'