Best Bed Buds
I don’t like the saying ‘Fuck Buddy’ or ‘Friends with Benefits’... there’s just something so cliché and unappealing about it. ‘Fuck Buddy’ has this crude undertone that makes the act itself seem animalistic and ‘Friends with Benefits’ well that just sounds like a cheesy 90’s sitcom. I heard the other day someone say ‘Bed Buddy’ now, that I like. It doesn’t imply sex, it doesn’t assume kinky times will be had, it doesn’t sound crude, rude or harsh...it sounds cute, it sounds friendly and doesn’t hide the fact that we are buddies in the same bed.
Why am I bringing this up? I know what you’re all thinking ‘He said he was staying celibate for the foreseeable future!’ before the lynch mob picks me up and drags me away to be drawn and quartered, let it be known that nothing has changed with my stance on celibacy. I’m still pretty much a born again virgin and if I had a hymen it would still be around 2 inches thick (Now that was crude!).
The reason I am bringing it up is because there is a likely chance that one day I will be in a situation that will require me to participate in the carnal act of ‘Bed Buddyism’ and I am hoping and praying that the unfortunate woman that gets dragged into this with me will someday read this obscure blog and not be freaked out when I call our arrangement ‘Bed Buddyship’. For her understanding and commitment to putting up with my bizarre, idiosyncratic behaviour, I’ll most definitely be providing pancakes in the morning (with strawberry jam or lemon and sugar).
Also, which gender gets more out of the concept of ‘Bed Buddyology’? Men or women? I see pros and cons for both. For men, quite simply, they get to fuck (that’s a pro for those keeping score), but as a con...they have to make sure that their lady friend has her big ‘O’ each and every time, otherwise, why would she keep coming back to him? (That pun was totally intentional, and I loved it). For women, they pretty much know that they will be given an earthmoving, mountain shaking, universe rocking orgasm each and every time they ‘Buddy Up’. However, as a con, they have to put up with looking at a penis and the man it’s attached to! ...I’ve honestly always believed that a women’s perfect partner, is another good looking women with an eight inch cock.
~INTERMISSION~
I kid about that last part...eight inches is unrealistic.
HAHA...My God my sense of humour is horrible on a Friday. Yes, it is Friday, which means I get to leave you all with a little music to start your weekend.
Before I get into the song for the week, I just want to bring up Lily Allen and how she is changing her professional name to Lily Rose Cooper. I have no problem with this, in fact, it’s refreshing to see a female artist steer clear of a one word stage name... we have too many Madonnas, Pink, Beyonce, Shakira, Ke$ha (WTF?), Adele, Ashanti, Brandy, Jewel and Kimbra’s. My only question to you, Miss Lily Rose Cooper, will this change of name bring about a change of lifestyle? Or are you going to continue to get your tits out in front of anyone with a camera, like you’ve been doing for years now? Lily Rose Cooper has such a classic feel to it, kind of rolls of your tongue, sounding almost regal. Please try to keep your clothes on, you’ve made a name for yourself now, you don’t need the ‘accidental’ nipple slip anymore to sell a record. Just a thought.
Anyway, I’m feeling moderately upbeat this morning. So I find it fitting that the opening song for the weekend should be from ‘The Easybeats’. This little diddy is an Australian icon. Released in 1966 the song reached #16 on the US Billboard in 1967. Hmm, anyone else see all those 6's? Evil? You decide, turn up the speakers, dance around in your underwear and have a kick ass weekend!
Here’s ‘Friday on my Mind’ performed live in 1967.
Until next time,
-Chris
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| Oliver says 'ANY BITCHES WANT TO BE MY BED BUDDY' |
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