Once in a while

Will you try to give one little thought to me?

Even though someone may be nearer to your heart

Will you dream of the moments I shared with you,

Before we drifted apart?

Once in a while

In loves smouldering embers, one spark may remain

If love still can remember, the spark may burn again

I know that I’ll be contented with yesterday’s memory

Knowing you think of me

Once in a while

                                                                ‘Once in a While’ – Eddie Vedder, Ukulele Songs

A poet. A dreamer. A visionary. A saint and a sinner. Eddie Vedder has been the voice of a disgruntled generation for the past two decades. Taking the stage with his baritone voice since the late 80’s as the lead singer of San Diego based punk rock band ‘Bad Radio’, Eddie Vedder has continued to inspire, educate and help relieve the pain and struggles of everyday life through his unique and yet powerful view of the world.

I had to start this blog with the lyrics from ‘Once in a While’, partly because the words are very poignant but more so because I think anyone who has ever lost love will appreciate the solemn words of Mr Vedder.

Not that I want to start the weekend off with a sad song or anything, not at all. I wanted to give people hope, hope that love does exist. It is out there and you will find it. We have all felt that spark, the spark that turned into a flame. Then, that single flame turned into a wildfire, sweeping through your heart and mind like a firestorm. Every part of you is now like wispy bits of cotton, catching alight and succumbing to the blaze. That’s how the love has spread, that’s how it has coursed its way around your body and soul. Ignited by a spark and fuelled by passion.

Like Eddie says ‘In loves smouldering embers, one spark may remain’ and that’s all you need. Never give up.

Love means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. The love a mother feels for her unborn child is immeasurable but so is the love a man feels for his best friend. I’m talking from experience; I have an ex partner who is now my best friend. Do I love her any differently? No, of course not. Can anyone question the love I have for my best friend? No. We spent a third of our lives together, I have to keep her nearby and close to my heart...after all, she knows all my inner most secrets.

Yes my friends, like a wise man once said...sex is easy, love is hard.

But is it...?

I used to quote that saying for years and years, I loved it. I used it to help friends through times of trouble or when someone needed advice about their relationship. It always seemed to make people nod their heads and go ‘Yeah, yeah you’re right...sex is easy, this love stuff is kinda hard’ and it would make me feel all prophetic, like a master visionary of love and the Karma Sutra. In my mind I would picture people walking away from the conversation thinking ‘Jesus, Chris has it all worked out...he knows how to fuck and how to love!’

I’ve been regurgitating the same advice for years. Never changing it up or keeping people on their toes. I guess this is why I started to feel like a hack.

Truth is, that advice is wrong; it’s eight and half sushi rolls of wrong. Love isn’t hard. Love isn’t a chore. It doesn’t take a genius or a poet to care for someone. It doesn’t require strength, will power or dedication to give yourself to someone and love them unconditionally. It’s taken all thirty of my years on this great planet of ours to work that out, and, if I’m going to be completely honest and upfront, I only had the epiphany last night. It came to me when I was talking with my ex/best friend...I love her. I have seen her grow and I have seen her change. I’ve watched her experience joy and have seen into her eyes when she has been torn apart with sorrow. I’ve cried with her, laughed with her and I’ve let her into parts of my world that no one else is allowed into. Of course I love my best friend. I love her advice, I love her company and I love her mannerisms. As a ‘couple’ it was hard to love her, we struggled for ten years to make ‘it’ work. It only occurred to me last night, as we were talking, that I wasn’t struggling to love her as a ‘friend’.

That’s when I knew the advice I’d been giving out all these years was wrong. Love isn’t hard at all. You just need to find which type of love you’re giving out. Because when you find the right love for the right person, it’s not hard at all.

Until next time,

-Chris

Oliver says 'ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE'